An Anonymous Interview with a Gay Ex-Muslim

Scott Douglas Jacobsen: Is there an embassy or someplace which can help with a visa and travel to at least a more moderate country?

Anonymous Gay Ex-Muslim: I basically belong from Pakistan and currently living in Saudi Arabia for my job Purpose. So here we don’t see any forum which can help the people like me to move to a better place.

Jacobsen: What is your story in becoming a non-believer?

Anonymous Gay Ex-Muslim: I was a believer till I was under graduation but then I met a friend on Facebook and in no time we became best friends. Slowly he made me to think over the Concept of GOD and Science. I started to analyze the things and my findings made me to accept that I was just obeying someone blindly and in real there is no such power. This was a turning point for me from believer to non-believer.

Jacobsen: How has this impacted personal life?

Anonymous Gay Ex-Muslim: It impacted my personal life in a way that I get irritated seeing the religious stuff happening in my surroundings and I find myself unable to utter a word even as I live in society where if I will go to speak for me I will be dumped like anything. My family is believer but they are moderate ones. I am non believer in closet actually.

Jacobsen: Do you keep things inside and do not tell many people?

Anonymous Gay Ex-Muslim: Yeah exactly I do same. But there is only one person whom I love more than anything in life; He knows all my feelings and things which I cannot share with anyone else. He is love of my life.

Jacobsen: What would be the likely reaction of the community and religious authorities to your beliefs and sexual orientation?

Anonymous Gay Ex-Muslim: If I expose myself to them I will have to face serious consequences which will lead to my death without any doubt as there have been such cases in my society where innocents were killed just due to some doubts of being non-believer of God etc. Sexual orientation also matters a lot in my community as it’s forbidden in our religion to make relation with same sex partner. There are some rules for that which leads to death of victim or life lasting prisoning.

Jacobsen: What is your main message for people in developed countries — mostly Western — that you can’t say publicly with an open identity in your country without being labeled a terrorist or an infidel/apostate and then threatened with death?

Anonymous Gay Ex-Muslim: I will give a loud voice to the West that please helps me. I love a boy and without him I feel myself incomplete. I would request them to help me by any mean to get me out of this place into a better one where I can live my life freely with my love and can enjoy the multiple colors of life which is just given one time to us.

Jacobsen: Is there an underground renaissance of critical thinking and moderate religiosity and outright irreligiosity in your home country?

Anonymous Gay Ex-Muslim: Yes there are many more like me who are non-believers like me in closet. Some teams also do hidden work to sort out issues and help people like me. But very few of us can approach them as they work so silently that it’s hard to find them.

Jacobsen: What is your main situation now? How can the international community help those in similar circumstances because so many more stories like this are out there?

Anonymous Gay Ex-Muslim: My situation is like I was living with my love in Saudi Arabia who belongs from another country. Due to bad situation of work he left Saudi Arabia. Now we both are apart from each other and it’s very difficult to stay far like this. I will want and request international community to help us in a way which brings us together and in a better place where there is freedom of speech and equal rights of choice to all. I believe that love is something which if someone loses, he or she cannot be happy at all. I found my true love and I don’t want to lose. Those who are reading this and they also love someone they will surely understand my feelings and pain of being far from your love.

Jacobsen: Any feelings or thoughts in conclusion based on the conversation today?

Anonymous Gay Ex-Muslim: I would like to thanks your platform which gave a chance to speak out and convey my feelings to others. I just hope this step will lead me to some success and better life. I convey my thanks to all those who support me and understand me.

Jacobsen: Thank you for the time today.

Original Publication in Humanist Voices.

Scott Douglas Jacobsen

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